What is going on here? My new “green” nail spa has let me down, big time! I’m all about saving the earth and going “green.” I heard “Save the Whales” and nodded. Then I heard “Save the Males,” but was a little confused. Are they referring to the Citadel or to the Chippendales? The “Chips” for short, which is exactly what my “green” spa toenail polish did after four days. Chipped!
Let me summarize: listening to my fave DJ recently in my car, I heard a radio spot for a certain “green spa.” I like the idea of it, so, I call. They offer me an immediate appointment. Nice! I walk into the place expecting the sight and sound of soothing waterfalls, recycled furniture, aromatherapy, and tons of eco-conscious customers. Instead, I find no customers, a backless bench with one pillow and a stack of old magazines. I wonder if they’re printed with soy ink. I see only one hairstylist with wet hair (is she coloring it?) on a cell phone, wearing a black cape. No, she’s not Batwoman, but I’m guessing she does her own hair. That may sound weird, but I do my own hair sometimes after a professional trim, since the right side is usually longer than the left. I declare: my head must be lopsided!
But I digress. Or, do I? Since hair and nails are the only thing on my body growing that need constant attention, except for my hips. But I’m trying to make them shrink, not grow!
Anyway, Shannon, the “green” manicurist, warmly greets me and invites me back to her “green” room. The hot, blue, swirly water feels so good to my tootsies. While I relax, she explains to me how their polish is unique — all natural. I’m thinking she means no polymers, no peptides, no paraffin, no paraben, no incense and peppermints.
I’m getting into this, nodding off to a sweet sleep, my vibrating chair singing along, when I’m jolted back to reality! I’m told to choose a color. I pick a muted pink-rose, then close my eyes again to dream about Al Gore’s global warming documentary. He would be so proud of me!
And then, I’m done! THAT sure was quick. What about the blue light thingie, I ask? “No, honey, we are “green” here,” Shannon replies with a confident smile. And the blower, the fan, the dryer (whatever), I ask. “Not necessary,” she demurs. I almost feel cheated UNTIL I remember I am saving the earth, ten little toes at a time. I’m in a “green” spa, for heaven’s sake.
I walk out feeling smug and guilt-free, thinking this new regimen is too good to be true. I mean, I’ve recycled and reused longer than anyone I know, and now I can add nails to the list. I think of other ways to continue my save the earth campaign: green hair products, green food, green gym.
But guess what? Four days later the big toenail on my right foot and the second toenail on my left foot have chipped. Badly. This is not good. I’m used to a four-month, not a four-day manicure. When my toe’s half moons become full moons, that’s when I return for a pedicure because the polish itself never chips. This is bad. Shoot! I’m going back to my old polish with the polymers, the peptides, the paraben, the paraffin and the incense and peppermints. I’m sorry, Al, but I’m saving my nails this time!